~a bright new future...

Excerpt from an emergency meeting held on a planet somewhere in the Milky Way...

My fellow Zahanans, as you know, I have just returned from an interesting expedition to Earth to learn how the creative writing teachers help to mold their students into such great writers. We all know that our programs have lacked motivation for some time. We know that our students cannot seem to break into the publishing market like the Earth writers. I believe I have figured out why!

I managed to convince my contact at the University of Literary Artists to show me their best kept secrets, which fuel their program. I was able to watch Finding Forester and Wonder Boys. I learned many things from these training videos, and I am prepared today to teach you what I have learned.

The most important aspect of being a writer, and to truly create the works of art that all Earth writers produce is to be reclusive, shutting out all those outside the writing world and to some extent, fellow writers. We must teach our students to drink, a lot, and it might be a good idea to introduce them to certain illegal drugs so they can create the best possible writing, which will help them compete in today’s expanding market.

I also propose that we import from Earth the writers ‘red pen’. These special tools will ensure that our students are able to see our comments about their work on top of their own words. It will also help them to develop a deeper reclusive behavior that comes naturally to Earth writers.

My final point for today’s meeting is that we need to step out from behind our podiums and become mentors. Earth professors are so familiar with their students that the females are comfortable walking around in nothing but t-shirts in front of their male professors whom they rent rooms from while in school. The male students are just as comfortable driving around with their professors with dead dogs in the trunk of the car, smoking, drinking, and sleeping with their professors’ editors. We must become more available to our students.

Although these changes will call for some of us to feel uncomfortable, we must think of our students. Earth teachers feel that to create the next generation of writers, they must pass on the knowledge they have, to those who are talented and to those who not so talented. We must mold them into copies of our own writing habits, techniques, and lifestyles. We must show them friendship and compassion all while keeping a thin line between them and us.

I hope that you will all join me, as we embark on a bright new future in teaching creative writing, and as we prepare our students to compete with the Earth writers in today’s growing universal market. Thank you.

Back on earth...

I agree that we should pass on our knowledge about the creative writing process. I agree that we should show our students how and where to find the information they need to become better writers. I do not agree that we should teach the stereotypes that are presented in these two movies, but that we should make our students aware of them.